Pipes and Powerball

Originally Published

January 2018

Somebody made a mistake and went and won the Powerball on Saturday before I had a chance to buy the winning ticket. You see I was huddled-up in my comfortably chilly domicile bemoaning the fact that, yet one more time, my pipes froze.

Only this time, it was weird, it was the hot water pipe that froze. Now, who in the world ever heard of hot water pipes freezing while the cold water pipes were still running? Oh well, that’s why I have grown sons on the premises. It went like this:

“Brendan! We have no hot water. Go fix it.”

And he did. With one of the Lovely Little Lady’s hair dryers. And, after making sure that the heat lamp was working, we promptly put the situation out of our minds.

On the very next day I went to perform my morning ablutions and discovered that, while we had hot water, the cold water was frozen. At least that made a bit more sense.

“Good morning, my handy-man son. The pipe is frozen, go do your voodoo that you do so well.”

The trusty hair dryer was put to work again and, once again flowing water was restored to our less than warm home. But additional protection was needed. So, to prevent a recurrence, I went to my favorite place to buy fix-it stuff: Stiles Hardware in Seward. Spoke with Tom and got another heat lamp and enough heat tape to thaw the Conemaugh River. Problem solved. I woke up the next morning with both hot and cold water running.

The TV that day was going nuts with weather prognosticators gleefully informing one and all that wind chill factors of twenty to thirty below zero was on its way. I wasn’t worried, I was prepared. I think I might have even told the TV that, “Nyah, nyah, Mother Nature. I’m ready for you now. Nothing you can do. Nyah, nyah.”

Got up the next morning, checked my smart phone and found that the temperature was minus 10, not even counting the wind chill. Now that wasn’t a surprise figuring that the furnace was running non-stop and couldn’t warm the inside of the home to anything resembling the word “comfortable.” But I knew my pipes were safe.

Went to the kitchen to make a pot of a hot, caffeine-laden beverage. Turned on the faucets. Nothing. Neither hot nor cold! I think I heard a sing-song voice saying, “It’s not nice to tease Mother Nature.”

Third time’s a charm. “Brendan, get up.”

He replied, “Not again.”

I answered, “Yep. I’ll get Steve to help you.”

It took over an hour for them to find the two, ice-blocked, little 3-inch long sections where they went through a joist next to an outside wall. Insulation removal and crabbing around in the crawl space was just part of their fun. Then five minutes with the hair dryer and the water was free once again to run through the pipes. That section of pipe then received attention to insure that it wouldn’t freeze again.

Later, with a cup of hot coffee at hand, I reflected that, if only I could have gotten out the previous day to buy a Powerball ticket, we would be on our way to our newly-purchased tropical island in our newly-purchased Lear Jet with no thoughts of sub-zero rattling around in our heads.

But God gave me something better than a Powerball Jackpot. I have two great sons who take care of any emergency as soon as it happens.

And, of course, Life Is Good.

AT THE END OF THE LINE

WITH

ED KELEMEN